No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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