Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
