I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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