I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
