Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
