we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
