im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
