So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
