The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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