Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
