seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
