I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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