i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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