i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
