mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
