Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
