his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
