He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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