This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
