He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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