dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
