And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
