I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
