He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
