So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
