My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Help. Why am I so naked?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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