I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I've blown a few things in my day
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
