Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
