I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
