We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
