1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
