i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
