The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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