You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
