Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
