A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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