I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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