i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
