so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
