If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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