3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
how does that bad decision feel?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
