She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
