i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
