I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize