you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
