Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
