I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
