Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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