I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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