So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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