after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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