so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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