How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
