We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
