Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
