I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
