what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
