By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just cut my nipple shaving
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i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
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No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.