Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The beer is more important than you right now.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I love how my cats smell like pot.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?