If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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