I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.