I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.