I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal