My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
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You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
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I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake