I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
