I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
