I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
