life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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