I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Welp...herpes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
