your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
