kristin has been a bad kristin
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
