Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
