Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
