my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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