Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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